why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
