just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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