but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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