i just google imaged poop.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
