but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
