it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
