i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
