Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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