Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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