found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
