I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
