This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
