Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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