Your face is a jimmy john
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
