I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
