he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
