it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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