I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm jealous of your bromance
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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