a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
