Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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