god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
