no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
