I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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