We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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