I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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