Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
