His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Floor bacon is actually really good
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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