My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
