I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
