He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
