so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Vodka?
Forever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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