Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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