I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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