btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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