i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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