I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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