dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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