Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
