Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
