And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
