He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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