I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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