love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
