I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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