just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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