i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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