I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
