I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
