I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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