At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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