i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
