She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
