I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
