Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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