I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
