ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
