come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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