Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
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