we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
