i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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