I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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