Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
