Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
