walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
