you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
