You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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