I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
