Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
